Bare beginnings
Chetan Bhagat graduated from IIT, Delhi, in 1995 and went on to pursue MBA from IIM, Ahmedabad, graduating in 1997. He has been working in Hong Kong with a prominent US investment bank for the past six years, and has lately been making news for his novel Five Point Someone: What Not to do at IIT. The Stop Ragging Campaign reprints here with his permission excerpts from chapter one of the novel. We asked him if this was a true incident, and he said that it was ‘technically fiction’.
Well, I have to start somewhere and what better than the day I joined the Indian Institute of Technology and met Ryan and Alok for the first time; we had adjacent rooms on the second floor of the Kumaon hostel. As per tradition, seniors rounded us up on the balcony for ragging at midnight. I was still rubbing my eyes as the three of us stood to attention and three seniors faced us. A senior named Anurag leaned against a wall. Another senior, to my nervous eye, looked like a demon from cheap mythological TV shows - six feet tall, over a hundred kilos, dark, hairy, and huge teeth that were ten years late in meeting an orthodontist. Although he inspired terror, he spoke little and was busy providing background for the boss, Baku, a lungi-clad human toothpick, and just as smelly is my guess.
“You bloody freshers, dozing away, eh? Rascals, who will give an introduction?” he screamed.
“I am Hari Kumar sir, Mechanical engineering student, All India Rank 326.” I was nothing if not honest under pressure.
“I am Alok Gupta sir, Mechanical Engineering, Rank 453,” Alok said as I looked at him for the first time. He was my height, five feet five inches - in short, very short - and had these thick chunky glasses on. His portly frame was covered in neatly ironed white kurta-pajamas.
“Ryan Oberoi, Mechanical Engineering, Rank 91, sir,” Ryan said in a deep husky voice and all eyes swung to him.
Ryan Oberoi, I repeated his name again mentally. Now here was a guy you don’t see in IIT too often; tall, with spare height, purposefully lean and unfairly handsome. A loose grey T-shirt proclaimed ‘GAP’ in big blue letters on his chest and shiny black shorts reached his knees. Relatives abroad for sure, I thought. Nobody wears ‘GAP’ to bed otherwise.
“You bastards,” Baku was shrieking. “Off with your clothes.”
“Aw Baku, let us talk to them a bit first,” protested Anurag, leaning against the wall, sucking a cigarette butt.
“No talking!” Baku said, one scrawny hand up. “No talking, just remove those damn clothes.”
Another demon grinned at us, slapping his bare stomach every few seconds. There seemed to be no choice so we surrendered every item of our clothing, shivering at the unholy glee at Baku’s face as he walked by each of us, checking us out and grinning.
Nakedness made the difference between our bodies more stark as Alok and me drew figures on the floor with deeply embarrassed toes, trying to be casual about our twisted balloon figures. Ryan’s body was flawless, man, he was a hunk; muscles that cut at the right places and a body frame that for once resembled the human body shown in biology books. You could describe his body as sculpture. Alok and I, on the other hand, weren’t exactly what you’d call art.
Baku told Alok and me to step forward, so the seniors could have a better view and a bigger laugh.
“Look at them, mothers fed them until they are ready to explode, little Farex babies,” Baku cackled.
The demon joined him in laughter. Anurag smiled behind a burst of smoke as he extinguished another cigarette, creating his own special effects.
“Sir, please sir, let us go sir,” Alok pleaded to Baku as he cam closer.
“What? Let you go? We haven’t even done anything yet to you beauties. C’mon, bend down on all fours now, you two fatsos.”
I looked at Alok’s face. His eyes were invisible behind those thick, bullet-proof spectacles, but going by his contorted face, I could tell he was as close to tears as I was.
“C’mon, do what he says,” the demon admonished. He and Baku seemed to share a symbiotic relationship; Baku needed him for brute strength, while the servile demon needed him for directions.
Alok and I bent down on all fours. More laughter, this time from above our heads ensued. The demon suggested racing both of us, his first original opinion in a while but Baku over-rode him.
“No racing-vacing. I have a better idea. Just wait, I have to go to my room. And you naked cows, don’t look up.”
Baku raced up the corridor as we waited for twenty tense seconds, gazing at the floor. I glanced sideways and noticed a small water puddle adjacent to Alok’s head, droplets falling from his eye. Meanwhile, the demon made Ryan flex his muscles and make warrior poses. I am sure he looked photogenic but didn’t dare look up to verify.
Our ears picked up Baku’s hurried steps as he returned.
“Look what I got,” he said, holding up his hands.
“Baku, what the hell is that for...?” Anurag enquired as we turned our heads up.
In each of his hands Baku held an empty Coke bottle. “Take a wild guess,” he said as he clanged the bottles together, making suggestive gestures.
Face turning harder, arms still in modelling pose, Ryan spoke abruptly, “Sir, what exactly are you trying to do?”
“What, isn’t it obvious? And who the hell are you to ask me?” Baku choked.
“Sir, stop,” Ryan said in a louder voice.
“Fuck off,” Baku dismissed, disbelief writ large in his widened eyes at this blatant rebellion at this age-old authority.
As Baku put the bottles in position, Ryan abandoned his pin-up pose and jumped. Catching him unawares, he grabbed the two bottles and stamped hard on baku’s feet. Baku released his hands and the bottles were with Ryan, James Bond style.
We knew that stomp hurt since Baku’s stream was ultrasonic.
“Get this bastard,” Baku shrieked in agony.
The demon’s IQ was clouded by the events but his ears registered the command for action and he had just collected in response when Ryan smashed the two Coke bottles on the balcony parapet. Each bottle now was butt-broken, and he waved the jagged ends in air.
“Come, you bastards,” Ryan swore, his face scarlet like a watermelon slice. Baku and the demon retreated a few paces. Anurag, who had been smouldering in the backdrop, snapped to attention. “Hey, cool it everyone here. How did this happen? What is your name - Ryan, take it easy man. This is just fun.”
“It’s not fun for me,” growled Ryan, “Just get the hell out of here.”
Alok and I looked at each other. I was hoping Ryan knew what he was doing. I mean sure, he was saving our ass from a Coke bottle, but broken Coke bottles could be a lot worse.
“Listen yaar,” Anurag started as Ryan cut him short.
“Just get lost,” Ryan shouted so hard that Baku seemed to blow away just from the impact. Actually, he was shuffling backward slowly and steadily till he was almost flying in his haste to get away, the demon following suit. Anurag stood there, gaping at Ryan for a while and then looked at us.
“Tell him to control himself. Or one day he will take you guys down too,” Anurag said.
Alok and I got up and wore our clothes.
“Thanks Ryan, I was really scared,” Alok said, as he removed his spectacles to wipe snot and tears, face to face with his hero at last.
There is a reason why they say men should not cry, they just look so, like, ugly. Alok’s spectacles were sad enough, but his baby-wet blubbery eyes were enough to depress you into suicide.
“Yes, thanks Ryan, some risk you took there. That Baku guy is sick. Though you think they would have done anything?” I said, striving for a cool I did not feel.
“Who knows? Maybe not,” Ryan rotated a shoulder, “But you can never tell when guys get into mob mentality. Trust me, I have lived in enough boarding schools.”
Ryan’s heroics were enough to make us all bond faster than Fevicol. Besides, we were hostelite neighbours and in the same engineering department. They say you should not get into a relationship with people you sleep with on the first date. Well, though we hadn’t slept together, we had seen each other naked at primary meet, so perhaps we should have refrained from striking up a friendship. But our troika was kind of inevitable.
posted @ 3/26/2005 03:09:00 AM
<< Home